Don't Put Dirt on My Grave Just Yet....

"This time it's goodbye trouble
I feel the light at the end of this tunnel
I get stronger with every step
Come Hell - come high water
You push on me I'm going to push back harder
I got a whole lot more than a little bit left
Oh, so don't put dirt on my grave just yet
Oh, don't put dirt on my grave just yet"

I was watching a recent episode of Nashvilee when this song came on. For the first time, I truly listened to the lyrics and I fell in love. I felt like it was speaking not only to me but about my life. Especially when it says about becoming stronger with every step and also "push on me I'm gonna push back harder." 

Before my relationship with Bill, I was emotionally and physically abused my ex. It was the typical story of me thinking I could change him. We had been together since high school and the first time he laid a hand on me I was a senior in high school and he slapped me across the face, a year later we broke up. We got back together two months after that and then that's when the true physical abuse began. We moved into together and just about every other day he was beating on me. For not doing the dishes, not cleaning the house right, if the dog went potty in its pen while we were out it became my fault. Everything was my fault. I, of course, thought I could change him and if I did one thing right then it would all be okay. Obviously now I know better. 

It took me finally deciding that I needed to move back to Florida to be with my parents for us to break up. Shortly after that I met Bill and well, the rest is history (and also in my other post). 

It's taken me a long time to really come to terms with everything I went through and to also be okay with my past. It's made me the person I am, the mom I want to be, and also the person I want my daughter to grow into being. I don't want her to ever have to endure the things I did with both my ex and her father. I, as any other mom does, want better for my child. 

With every single step that I take and every single curve ball life throws me, I become a stronger person. I absolutely love the song "A Little Bit Stronger" because it got me through my break up with ex. I was able to put that one song on and drift away to a place where I was over him and could move on with my life. Now, I have this song "Don't Put Dirt On My Grave Just Yet" to also help me along with my journey of recovering from having a domestic violence relationship. Every day I live with the pain of the past but every day I get stronger and learn to live with my past.