I was 18 years old, barely out of high school, and here I was holding a positive pregnancy test. I was heart broken, scared, anxious, maybe even a little bit happy. My body was now harboring a little human life. I was four weeks pregnant. The thought of it scared the crap out of me. I was hysterically crying and I knew I had to tell my boyfriend, Michael. We had been together for maybe four months and now we were gonna be parents? It was crazy to me.
My family didn't react great to my pregnant, my mother tried to demand to me get an abortion, adoption or marry Michael. I wasn't going to do either. I knew I wasn't going to spend the right of my life with him. We taught way to much and I suspected he was cheating on me. My mother eventually tried starving me so I would miscarry. A week later my mother moved to Tennessee and I behind.
Michael and I tried to work things out, and eventually I thought we were, but then he broke up with me over the phone on 4/20 when I was 11 weeks pregnant or so. I was deviated. I went into a deep depression because I couldn't handle the thought of being a single mother. A week later Michael always had a new girlfriend. A younger one at that. Which confirmed my suspicions that he was cheating. From that point forward, to this day, all Michael and I did was fight. He started denying our baby, lying even more, lying about his training and deployment dates, lying about me. He had basically become a pathological liar. I hated whom he had become.
When I was six months pregnant his girlfriend called me and demanded a DNA test, calling me a slut and what not. It devastated me so much that it made me physically ill. My friends mother ended up threatening her if she ever called me again. A week after that it was my gender scan, it was a girl! I was so excited to be having a baby girl. I already had a named picked out for her. her name was Brooklynn Helena (hel-lae-na). After the gender scan was over, we went back into a room to wait for the doctor to look over the ultrasound, to make sure everything was alright. When the doctor came back in, he checked the babies heartbeat and said it was perfect, but he was slightly concerned and wanted me to come back in. My doctor told me the most heartbreaking news I could ever hear. He told me that Brooklynn had a cyst in her brain that was about a millimeter long (I think, I don't completely recall). After that appointment was over, I broke down into tears in the parking lot and just cried. It was all I could do. After that was when I would start having frequent ultrasound scans every 2-3 weeks; just to check the growth of the cyst and to make sure it was benign. But still, the thought of a cyst growing in my daughters brain was the scariest thing that I had ever heard. And the fact that Michael didn't even care... Well I already had a knife in my heart from the cyst news, but Michael not caring was twisting that knife deeper in. I prayed every day for this to go away, I cried all the time. I honestly think I grew some what depressed in a way. I was so worried for the health of my child that I even grew restless. At this point, I just didn't what to do with myself anymore. I put on a smile for everyone around me, but behind that smile was a world of hurt. I was hurting more then anyone ever realized. Outside, I appeared to be strong. Because I had to be, but on the inside I was weak and no where ready for any of this. I thought it couldn't get any worse. My morning sickness was horrible, my emotions were getting the best of me, I ended up developing torturous hemorrhoids. I'm sure some of you ladies can sympathize. Could it get any worse? Think again.
The following week passed, and my family begged me to come back with them to Tennessee. I figured it was for the best, with the conditions with my pregnancy, my strained relationships, the heartbreak Michael caused me on a daily basis, my lack of hours at my Job. I knew that this was the right decision, but it was also the hardest. Leaving behind my friends, my sisters and nephews was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I was some what relieved, I was leaving behind all the negativity, the bullies, and Michael. That was the greatest joy of all. Texas held a lot of good and bad memories. My friends were there, my nephews were born there, my sisters lived there. But also my my enemies were there, and then there was Michael. The one whom I tried to avoid at all costs when entering Flower Mound. Because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. This pregnancy had cost me the majority of my friends and my relationship. But I was more grateful then ever. It showed whom my true friends are. And it also showed me that God has the right man out there for me. God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. So why did he make my pregnancy so tough? That is an answer only God can answer.
At 27 weeks pregnant, I went into preterm labor. I had cervical shortening and was dilated 1 cm. It was a scary thought to think that my baby could possibly be born so early. I was immediately admitted to the hospital's maternity ward and put on magnesium sulfate almost immediately. I was put on hospital bed rest for maybe eleven days, but then afterwards I was put on strict bed rest all the way up until 35 weeks pregnant.
When I was 34 weeks pregnant, I went to the doctors office to get Brooklynn's cyst checked. The good news is that the cyst was gone! But then there was bad news. The cyst was gone but now a gap in between her skull and her brain had developed. The doctor said she could have a possibility of having autism and would have to be monitored until the ages 2-3 years old to see if they could make any sort of diagnosis or not. I was devastated. As soon as things get good my world just comes crumbling down. But I had a feeling that god would make everything okay in the end. I had to keep my faith in check.
As time went by I ended up being induced on October 30, 2012. I was two weeks away from my due date and one week away from my induction date. I was induced due to preelampsia and my daughter was born on Halloween morning at 8:41 AM. She was 5 lbs 15 oz and 18 3/4 inches long. She was beautiful, the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. She was perfect in every single way and she was all mine. I was blessed. I had to have an emergency c-section after 12 plus hours of laboring. My blood pressure was sky rocketing and the doctor on call didn't feel it was safe for me to continue with labor due to possibility of a stroke or worse. The c-section was the worst experience I ever had. I plan for a VBAC with my next child.
Michael isn't involved nor has he ever met our daughter. To this day I still have a blood pressure problem and am on medication for it. I wish I would of waited to have my baby but she is the best decision I have ever made. I love her with all my heart.
to keep up with us and for more of our story go read our blog at:
bordercrossedmums.blogspot.com
Side note from Kimmy: check her out on insta too! Vivalabrooklyn. She's an awesome mom and person ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment