Bill and I met through mutual friends and really had no interest of kings ever becoming as serious as they did. It kind of just happened. There is a 12 year age difference between us and really we were just doing the whole dating thing to see where it went. But, things kind of escalated and after only being together for a month found out that we were pregnant. I was immediately excited to become a mom but Bill wasn't so ready.
Bill had more issues than I could've even imagined him having and didn't even know about him having before we got pregnant. Mainly drug related issues. He was heavily addicted to prescription pills and also would dabble in cocaine every once in a while. I didn't know how badly it was until I was pregnant.
He hardly was there for me the entire time I was pregnant and sick in the hospital. Mentally he was just checked out of life and could really only care about where his next fix was coming from. When we found out we were having a girl he literally moped around for the entire day. When I was 6 months pregnant he moved 2 hours away for work and didn't come home till I was 8 months pregnant. He pretty much knew nothing about what was going on with his child.
I went into labor two days before my due date and it took him an hour or more to get to the hospital (which was only 25 mins away). The entire time he slept. When it was time to push he didn't hold my hand or even help coach me. He just say there. He was coming off of a high and wasn't really all there. Adylee was born and he didn't show one ounce of emotion. He went over to where they were doing all her testing and held her hand. Then an hour after she was born, Bill left the hospital. He returned about 8 hours later and stayed for 3 hours or so and went back to our house to go to work the next day. His sister ended up bringing us home.
When we got home he just didn't have the desire to really take care of Adylee. He wanted to hug, play and love on her sure. But take care of her? Nope. I did it all. He would bitch and moan about how he had to get up for work early and blah blah. Eventually I have up asking Bill for his help. You would think that at 30 something years old he would be ready for this. But no. His drugs were much more important to him. There were times when I would tell him days in advance that Adylee would need diapers but he just didn't care. The $30 it took to buy a pack of diapers was needed much more to buy 2 pills. I was always depressed and lonely and a lot of people around me could tell.
When Adylee was 5 months old, Bill and I got into a very huge argument and he broke up with me and told me to get out. So I did. That was the last time we lived together. He saw Adylee regularly but it was always for short periods of time. I think, eventually Bill realized that it was time to get his act together and get clean for his daughter. So when Adylee was 8 months old, he left to move to Texas. He got clean and after several months of constant arguing and breaking up I decided it was just best to leave him alone. It was also around that time that Adylee turned 1 and he did not make it home for her birthday. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
Right before Christmas, Bill had decided to call me and told me how badly he realized he had screwed up for a year of our daughters life. She hardly knew him. Adylee actually called my dad "daddy" not knowing any better. Bill visited us for Christmas and for the first time ever we felt like a family. A real family. Him and I are beginning to work on things as a couple and he has been clean and sober for almost a year. I'm very proud of him. Now Adylee knows who her father is and can point him out in a picture.
Needless to say, we are still growing as a family and the healing process will take some time. It hasn't been a easy road but were willing to try. I'm proud of him for that. I'm hoping that things truly do stay on the right path but you never know. Things could go either way. But I refuse to let them get as bad as they did because Adylee is older know and will know and feel it so much more. She deserves more and so do I. But for now, we are working on becoming a family and eventually will be together again. God only knows what the future holds and I leave it up to Him.
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