Kind of Mom I Wanna Be...

When I first found out I was pregnant I immeditely thought about everything I wanted to do with my child and what I also wanted to teach him or her. Then I found out I was a having girl and the whole plan changed. It became about how cute she would look, how sassy she would be and the list goes on. 

But being a mom isn't about all of that. Yes, it is about teaching them but it's also about those little moments you get to spend with them. Today, Adylee was laying down to go to sleep and she reached her arms out for me. I scooped her up and started rocking her, which I don't get to do very often. I told her that mommy was right here and I wouldn't ever go anywhere. As soon as I said that, I looked down and she closed her eyes, smiled, and drifted off to sleep. I instantly started crying. Those are the little moments that I live for. The moments where I just know that she needed me. At that time, that's what she needed to hear to know that it was okay to go to sleep. 

To me, being a mom is those moments. It's also about teaching her to walk down the correct path and be the best she can be. Of course, I will introduce her to God and let her make her own decision. I want her to know that she has the freedom to do what she wants but to also know that there are rules and boundaries. I will be her best friend BUT I will also be her mom. 

I love my baby girl and wouldn't trade being her mommy for the world. She drives me nuts at times but I know that it's just her learning and growing. I know that I will eventually miss those times. 

Happy Mother's Day to every single mom I know and every single mom that will read this post! You are shaping the future :) 

You're gonna do great things, I already know...

Since Adylee has turned one I have been thinking about the life that I want her to live. I obviously want nothing but the absolute best for her but I know that her life isn't going to perfect. Because face it, no one's is. Even the celebrities go through trials and tribulations that are much deeper than who they were spotted with this weekend at the club.

I just want Adylee to grow up knowing that she is loved unconditionally. I sometimes get this feeling of failure because things didn't work out like they should have with her dad. I'm not 100% blamess in our relationship but most of the issues did come from him. I gave it my all and it just wasn't enough. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. And he didn't care to change nor want my help. I chose to walk away because of Adylee. She deserved so much more than that. She deserved to be in a house full of smiles, laughter and most importantly love. 

I want Adylee to be an independent and a strong woman. That no dream is too big or too impossible for her to achieve. She has been my anchor throughout this past year and I know that one day I will have to be that for her and that's the day I look forward too. I want to be able to give her guidance and tell her what the right path may be but I am also going to let her fall down and get back up again. 

I know that she is going to do great things in her life she just has that quality about her. I can't wait to watch her grow into the person she is meant to become.