It's in Gods hands....

Honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. It's always an up and down battle with Bill. He's either so in love with me or he wants nothing to so with me. I'm tired of him hurting me. 

It's not fair to Adylee either. She needs her father around. But she needs someone who is going to be there for her. For every scraped knee to every accomplishment. And so far, he hasn't. That's probably what's hurts the most. 

I'm tired of giving and giving and getting absolutely nothing in return. I can't give my all and not get his all back. Love and relationships are a two way street. Not a one way alley. 

So right now, I'm leaving it up to God. It's all in His hands. I'm not going to sit here and try to force anything. What's meant to be will be. Until then, I'm just gonna keep on praying for an answer. 

10 Month Update

Adylee turned 10 months on the first and boy has new things started arising already! She always seems to have milestone moments on the first. When she was 4 months she sat up assisted, 6 months she sat up unassisted, 7 months she started crawling. Now at 10 months she is walking. She still crawls a lot and has to pull herself up holding onto something but once she does she's off and running.

I am so proud of my princess. I literally started crying at work when she just kept walking and walking all day long. 

Adulee has such an amazing personality now. She is always laughing, smiling and makes the cutest faces. She is such the litter daredevil too. She has absolutely no fear at all. She's recently learned how to climb and she will climb up the stairs like it's nothing. Her new thing is to climb into her little rocker bouncy seat and stand up in it. The first time I caught her I about had a heart attack. Adylee is such a girly girl but will be someone who I will have to worry about taking those risks all the time. I can definitely see her giving me a run for my money. Lord help me now! 

Some facts about miss Adylee Marie:

-She weighs 21 lbs and 10 oz. My little chunky monkey

-She's 28 inches long

-Wears a size 4/4.5 in shoes

-Clothes wise she is wearing anything from 6-9 months all the way up to 12 months. 

-Is eating table food completely. Hardly eating any baby food anymore unless it's those little Gerber Graduate pouches

-She loves to watch Disney Junior in the morning when she's eating breakfast

-Favorite shows are Sofia and Mickey Mouse

-Takes a pacifier to go to sleep (just started this at 9 months)

-Has to have her princess blanket to hold onto when going to sleep and then has to be covered with one of her leopard blankets

 I am so excited to start getting everything ready for her first birthday party! It's gonna be such an amazing party :)

I was given the best gift possible the day she was born. I literally could not ask for a better daughter. She's everything I dreamed she would be and then some. She's my whole world. I am so lucky to be able to call myself her momma. My little punkin is growing up way too fast for me but I am excited for all the things to come for us in the future.

Pregnancy & Birth Story

My pregnancy and birthing story isn't your typical one. Adylee is literally a miracle baby and if I had listened to the doctors from the beginning she would not be here today. 

 I found out I was pregnant at just 6 weeks after having missed my period. I was only with her father, Bill, for a month at the time. We had just moved into a one bedroom house. After having told everyone in our families, friends and co-workers I was pretty excited to become a mom. Even though I was only 20 I knew that I was ready for it at that time in my life. About 3 weeks after finding out that I was pregnant, I went to the mall with my parents and sister for a little family outing. I thought I had some massive heartburn/nausea and I was in some serious stomach pain. So we left the mall and my parents took me home to lay down while they continued their little outing with my sister. After trying to sleep it off, I woke up at 5 to eat dinner but I couldn't even stand the sight or smell of food. Bill came to my parents house to see how I was and immediately told me I needed to call my OB. I did and they told me to go to the hospital. On the way there, I had Bill stop about twenty times so I could throw up. What should've taken us 15 minutes to get to a hospital took me about 30.

I was admitted and the baby was instantly monitored. Turned out I was having a gallbladder attack and I needed to have my gallstones removed. The dr at the hospital I was in came to see me and told me that my baby was still in the developing stages and if I had them removed I could risk radiation exposure and went down the list of possible side effects. Then she proceeded to tell me that I needed to terminate my pregnancy. I started crying my eyes out. My precious little baby was not going to be terminated if I could help it. My mom had me transferred to a different hospital and they were able to take out my gallstones. I was supposed to be okay to go home after a couple days but I ended up having issues with my pancreas and had to stay longer. I was put on a special wing of the hospital. After being in the hospital for what seemed like forever, I was finally released. I went home and a week later I ended up in the hospital again for having more pains. The diagnosis was that my gallbladder needed to come out. They couldn't operate until I was 20 weeks however and wanted me to stay till then. I refused. I had been in the hospital long enough and I just wanted to go home. After three days, I was released and in a week or so I would be back to get my gallbladder removed.

The day finally came and I went into have my gallbladder removed. I woke up afterwards to my mother, father and Bill in my room. Everyone hugged me. I was in so much pain that I felt like I was dying. Finally the doctor came in and told me that my gallbladder was very bad. Gang green actually and I had to have special infectious disease medicine because it could affect other parts of my body including my baby. There were some risks but the benefits of taking them outweighed it. After a week or two in the hospital I was able to come home. I later found out that I had died on the table while they were operating on me. God was looking out for me for sure. I thank him every day for giving me a second chance at life. By the time all was said and done, I had lost a total of 20 pounds in 5 months. Normal pregnant women would be putting on the weight, I was losing it due to all my gallbladder issues and barely being able to eat.

I was finally free of all issues and was able to enjoy being pregnant. A few days after being out of the hospital I found out I was having a little girl. I was so excited that I went out right away and got two little outfits for her. 

After all of that I had a pretty normal pregnancy and at 38 and a half weeks Bill and I moved into our first house. Then the day finally came... I was 39 and 7 days and we had just finished getting Adylee's room all set up. Bill got up to go to work and kissed my belly and told Adylee that he loved her and couldn't wait to meet her like he always did. I got up about an hour later and got in my car and drove up the road to my parents house for breakfast. At about 8:30, I went to go pee. I didn't even make it to the toilet when I felt something gush out. My water had broken. I immediately called my mom and we went straight to the hospital. I let my OB office know and they said that the on call midwife was already there doing her rounds. I then called Bill who dropped everything he was doing and left work. He called his family who met me at the hospital. At first they told me that it was just discharge but I assured them that it was not. After an hour of waiting for results they came in and told me that they would be admitting me because my water had broken and was breaking in spurts. I was then put on the pill to jump start contractions because I wasn't having any. After one pill they stuck me on pitocin. I was in labor for 20 hours before it was finally time to push. I pushed and pushed for 2 and a half hours before they came in and told me that she was face up, I had a fever and her heart rate was up way too high. They said I would have to have a c-section. I started crying. I felt like I had failed. The doctor then came in and said that I could push her out with the help of a vacuum if I wished. I said yes. After 4 pushes and some pulls with the vacuum, Adylee was born at 7:20 in the morning on the day before I was due. Weighing 7 lbs and 20 oz and 20 inches long she was perfect from head to toe.

So, to the stupid doctor I say screw you. My daughter is perfectly healthy and is right on track with her development. 

It wasn't an easy pregnancy or labor but in the end, I got a miracle. She saved me in every single way a person could be saved. She is the reason for me to get up in the morning and provide for her in every way possible. She's my angel. I was given a second chance at life so that I could be her mom. And boy am I glad that God gave me that chance.