Our Story

By now, most of my followers know the story about Adylee's father and why he hasn't been a present part of her life until recently. But I still wanted to kind of write it out once and for all and also for my own sanity right now. Things aren't always sunshine and roses still with us and it's moments like this when I just need to remind myself how far we have come as people, as parents and as a couple. Now, I am not bashing him in any way but there are things he has done that I hold a lot of resentment towards him for. This is simply...our story. 

Bill and I met through mutual friends and really had no interest of kings ever becoming as serious as they did. It kind of just happened. There is a 12 year age difference between us and really we were just doing the whole dating thing to see where it went. But, things kind of escalated and after only being together for a month found out that we were pregnant. I was immediately excited to become a mom but Bill wasn't so ready. 

Bill had more issues than I could've even imagined him having and didn't even know about him having before we got pregnant. Mainly drug related issues. He was heavily addicted to prescription pills and also would dabble in cocaine every once in a while. I didn't know how badly it was until I was pregnant. 

He hardly was there for me the entire time I was pregnant and sick in the hospital. Mentally he was just checked out of life and could really only care about where his next fix was coming from. When we found out we were having a girl he literally moped around for the entire day. When I was 6 months pregnant he moved 2 hours away for work and didn't come home till I was 8 months pregnant. He pretty much knew nothing about what was going on with his child. 

I went into labor two days before my due date and it took him an hour or more to get to the hospital (which was only 25 mins away). The entire time he slept. When it was time to push he didn't hold my hand or even help coach me. He just say there. He was coming off of a high and wasn't really all there. Adylee was born and he didn't show one ounce of emotion. He went over to where they were doing all her testing and held her hand. Then an hour after she was born, Bill left the hospital. He returned about 8 hours later and stayed for 3 hours or so and went back to our house to go to work the next day. His sister ended up bringing us home. 

When we got home he just didn't have the desire to really take care of Adylee. He wanted to hug, play and love on her sure. But take care of her? Nope. I did it all. He would bitch and moan about how he had to get up for work early and blah blah. Eventually I have up asking Bill for his help. You would think that at 30 something years old he would be ready for this. But no. His drugs were much more important to him. There were times when I would tell him days in advance that Adylee would need diapers but he just didn't care. The $30 it took to buy a pack of diapers was needed much more to buy 2 pills. I was always depressed and lonely and a lot of people around me could tell. 

When Adylee was 5 months old, Bill and I got into a very huge argument and he broke up with me and told me to get out. So I did. That was the last time we lived together. He saw Adylee regularly but it was always for short periods of time. I think, eventually Bill realized that it was time to get his act together and get clean for his daughter. So when Adylee was 8 months old, he left to move to Texas. He got clean and after several months of constant arguing and breaking up I decided it was just best to leave him alone. It was also around that time that Adylee turned 1 and he did not make it home for her birthday. Needless to say, I was disappointed. 

Right before Christmas, Bill had decided to call me and told me how badly he realized he had screwed up for a year of our daughters life. She hardly knew him. Adylee actually called my dad "daddy" not knowing any better. Bill visited us for Christmas and for the first time ever we felt like a family. A real family. Him and I are beginning to work on things as a couple and he has been clean and sober for almost a year. I'm very proud of him. Now Adylee knows who her father is and can point him out in a picture. 

Needless to say, we are still growing as a family and the healing process will take some time. It hasn't been a easy road but were willing to try. I'm proud of him for that. I'm hoping that things truly do stay on the right path but you never know. Things could go either way. But I refuse to let them get as bad as they did because Adylee is older know and will know and feel it so much more. She deserves more and so do I. But for now, we are working on becoming a family and eventually will be together again. God only knows what the future holds and I leave it up to Him. 

CJ's BUTTer Review

Since becoming addicted to cloth diapering I have been buying everything that is cloth diapering safe. I was searching for a cloth diaper safe diaper rash cream when CJ's BUTTer was recommended to me. So I checked it out and found out it has a few more uses than just diaper rash. 

I immediately went searching for somewhere to order it and came across a website that offered the small stick for $6.99 so I decided to get it. Then came the agonizing part of trying to pick a scent. Which is pretty hard to do if you can't smell it. But after reading some of the different scent descriptions I decided on My Pixie Pie. It just screamed Adylee to me. I ordered it and the waiting game began.

About 5 days later it showed up in the mail and I was extremely excited and anxious to give it a try. As soon as it was time to change Adylees cloth diaper I put it on. The smell was amazing!!!! It was very vanilla but you could smell the coconut in it. I rubbed some on my finger and applied it and then rubbed the stick on one of Adylee's eczema patches that we have had a hard time getting rid of. Check Adylee about 2-3 hours later and her rash was gone and I could feel how smooth her leg patch was becoming. 

Needless to say, CJ's BUTTer has gained a new customer! Not only for when Adylee has a red butt in either cloth or disposable but also for her eczema. I've had the worst time trying to get rid of it and nothing has worked but I can most definitely notice a difference on Adylee's. Anyone know if they have a lotion because that would be so much better for her eczema or else I will be rubbing the stick all over! Lol! 

Anyways, here's the scent description for My Pixie Pie along with the description on the stick for what it can be used for! 

My Pixie Pie: Named after CJs pet name for her little girl. A beautiful mixture of cherries, toasted almonds and finished with a touch of vanilla and coconut, this sweet fragrance is aptly named. BOTTOM LINE: A princess in pink, with some fairy wings and a tutu, poised and ready to tackle big brother when the mood strikes.

I HIGHLY recommend checking out their products if you cloth diaper and are in the market for a diaper cream or even if you don't cloth diaper! They are awesome! I can't wait to try out more scents. I have heard the blueberry one and monkey farts are great ones to try so they are next on our list. 

Biggest Fear As A Mom

I wanted to do something a little different than just updates and all that. I wanted to write something more personal. So the idea of writing down what my biggest fear as a mom is. It took me a while to think this one out because I didn't want it to be some random thing that everyone is thinking "well yeah, duh" when they read it. I wanted it to come from a place of true meaning. But every time I tried to think of something and began writing it just wasn't where I wanted to go with this post. So I went the normal route of fears. 

My biggest fear as a mom is that Im a bad one. Yes, I know every single mom fears this but no matter how I spun it I just couldn't make it seem like something unique. I'm scared that she won't appreciate what I do for her, she won't know how much I love her, I'm afraid something horrible will happen to her and so much more. Every mom fears these things. I've realized that it's normal and just comes with the territory. 

Adylee is the light of my life and is 100% the reason I am who I am. I was lost before her but God gave her to me to show me that there is so much more to life than just me and my issues. Or even he fathers issues (and boy does he have tons). I've learned to just take each day as it comes and try to be the best mom that i can be to her. Right now she's little and doesn't truly understand what is going on but as she continues to grow and gets older I want her to really see that I've done all I could for. I am so glad that I was granted the gift to be a mom and I take every single challenge head on. 

So for all the new mommies who may read my blog, it's okay to stress out sometimes. It's normal. 16 months later and I still have breakdowns of "how am I going to be able to do.." You're not going to be a bad mom. No possible way to be one if you love and care for your child in every single way possible. I'm still learning that and still second guess myself on being a bad mom. 

But then I take one look at Adylee and how happy she is and I know that I'm nowhere near being a bad mom. In her eyes, I'm the one person she can depend on all the time. I'm the person who hangs the moon. And that? That's what makes all the stressing and meltodowns worthwhile. Because to them, you are just the best thing out there. 

Cloth Diapering: My Journey to become a CD Momma

I had always loved seeing all the cute fluffy bums and prints but never really made the dive into becoming a cloth diapering mom. I had bought some pocket diapers to try it out but just could never get into it. I didn't like how it looked on Adylee or the constant laundry (I only had 5) so I decided to quit and go back to regular pampers until she was potty trained.

Well, recently I hit a financial snag and really needed a way to stop spending $50 on diapers every week. Between home, going places and daycare I was going through boxes of diapers much faster than I liked. I had a talk with one of my parents at my daycare who cloth diapers and I asked her how much she saved. When she told me, my jaw hit the floor. I never realized how much I had spent on diapers in a year and 6 months. So I decided to go with a different route of diapers than the pockets. I looked and looked and had remembered that my parent told me that her Flip diapers were her absolute favorite. So I decided to buy some covers and inserts. I was hooked!

We now have 15 inserts and 9 covers with one on the way and I plan on buying more in a few days. I love the prints on them, clean up is easy, washing them is a breeze and they fit Adylee very well. I am super pleased with the Flip brand of cloth diapers. 

I know inserts and covers aren't very every cloth diapering momma but for me they have worked the best. I find them to be so much more easier than pockets and I really can't wait to make the plunge into doing them all the time. Right now we only use the cloth diapers at home because it's a bit hard for her teacher at daycare to do two cloth diapered kids and especially cause they are using the same brand and colors. Just easier so nothing gets mixed up. But soon I plan on getting rid of Pampers unless we are going out to the store or when she is sleeping. 

I highly suggest that if you are a new mom wanting to cloth diaper, a mom who stopped and wants to get back in it or a mom who just wants to try them that you try out the Flip diaper system. You may fall in love like I did!!

Mother's Can Be Selfish Too! (Guest Post from Hell0Ashleyy)

Hi, my name is Ashley & I blog over at Hell0ashleyy. I am a southern mommy blogger. & I am super excited to be visiting my friend Kimmy.

 She is amazing, which you guys already know I am sure.

 & her mini is just the cutest! 

........................................................................................................

Mothers can be selfish too.

Okay this post is not a sweet lovey dovey post about my love for my mini.

 I love her with everything in me. 

This is a post on selfish reasons i enjoy/love being a mom. 

Just throwing a little humor into your day. 

Lord know we all need it from time to time. 

Reasons I love being a mom.

Messy buns. 

Reality is we all love our messy buns. Some days taking care of our babies 

doesn't give us time to properly fix our hair. & I am totally okay with that! 

Dirty house. 

People always tell me, don't worry about the house. That can wait. 

You spend your time with your baby. Enjoy her. Uh OKAY! House you have my permission

to become dirty! 

Baby weight is not frowned a pond.

 After having baby I really wanted to lose the 

weight & get fit. That did not happen til a year later. Everyone says aww its just baby weight

its understandable. When the truth is i gave birth almost a year and six months 

ago. It is not baby weight, its lack of motivation & chocolate! But I will go with

baby weight! ha.

Play dress up. 

I love fashion, though I dress "comfortable". But you best believe my little

cutie is going to be dressed up in all the latest fashion. Why cant this come in my size?

Cartoons. 

Because your lying if you say you do not love sitting 
& watching cartoons with your mini. 

The baby is a good excuse.

 Someone calls that you don't want to talk to, you are asked

to do something, have to go somewhere.. Whatever it is, baby is the best excuse. 

Cant baby is napping, & bam your out! 

Sweat pants & no showers. 

Secretly we all enjoy these days. No need for details 

on why. We just do. 

Competing. 

I am sure we all do that. Out in public, see a mommy with a baby. We automatically scoop them out.

  OMG my baby is way cuter! What is that baby wearing? OMG she still puts her baby in a cart cover! We are women, 

we love drama, & we love to judge ( lets not go overboard!). 

So there you have it.. My selfish reasons of loving motherhood. I am sure you have a few of your own. Ready set go! 

Lets hear them! 

Adylee's First Haircut

Adylee got her first haircut/trim last Saturday and I was so proud of how good she did! 

It was a very small trim since she doesn't have a ton of hair but she does have a lot of breakage which needed to be cut off so it could grow. Crossing my fingers that it does!!! 

Adylee was such a big girl and sat all by herself! I took her to where I get my haircut so it wasn't a kiddy salon but still did the trick. She got a lollipop and comb to hold and she was in heaven! 

At the end, I got a certificate and a lock of her hair to put in her baby book. I teared up. My baby is no longer an infant but now a full blown toddler. They grow up tooooo fast!!! 

Here are some pictures of miss Adylee during her haircut:

Adylee's 15 month update!

I decided to start back up with the monthly updates but will only be doing them when she goes for check ups since not much really changes between now and 18 months! Except maybe a few things but they will be documented!

Adylee turned 15 months on the first however she had her check up today so is waited to post this! 

Her check up was quite short and that really bothered me. We haven't been able to go to her normal pediatrician due to insurance issues so we went to a different one today and it's safe to say we won't be going back there. He was rude and kind of looked at me like I'm a young mom so what do I know. Which irked me to no end. 

But the basics are this:

-weighs 24 lbs and 15 oz

-is 31 and a half inches tall

-head circumference was 47 

Everything looked okay from what this quack told me. She is still harboring an ear infection and could not get all her shots so I had to schedule those for a later date. 

Her next doctors appointment will be with an ear, nose and throat doctor to discuss the possibilities of having tubes put in her ears. Adylee has had ear infections since 4 months old and I really feel as though it is delaying some of her speech. Yes she says words but not near as much as she should be. And some of them are very simple words such as, ball. I work right next to the room Adylee is in at day care so I am able to see first hand that someone is just not right. So we will see what happens! I will update ya'll on it once she has the appointment next week :)